Wednesday, March 5, 2008

My baby

9 lbs 11 oz 21 in long April 19th, 2003

Well, I am sitting here thinking about my 'baby' about to turn 5 in April. It just doesnt seem like it is time. I want time to freeze. I will not be surprised if I cry on his birthday or around that time. Steven is 15 years old and that also has me bummed. So, next year Steven will be in High School and then Mason will be starting Kindergarten.. talk about starting over ha! It's quite a change. See we never thought we would consider having another one, thats quite a long story there, but we had a rough time in life and Steven having ADHD and just all of the doctor appointments and troubles at school and us just trying to grow up and raise a child, having him at a young age and then him having educational problems etc well it takes a toll on you. I was on a birth control that lasted 5 years (Norplant) and then that was due to come out, that was removed and then I got the capsules injected back into my arm and lasted another 5 years so there you go, 10 years go by and when it was time for those to come out, anxiety kicked in because the Norplant has so many side effects and it was not being used anymore I don't believe because of the complaints and so I was thinking okay we should just go with the tubal. Little did I know, I wasn't just having a period, I started cramping then it turned into pure pain (this was after the removal of the last Norplant) and so my sister suggested that I take a pregnancy test and sure enough it said positive.

Okay, off to the ER we go. They did the blood work, positive again but the nurse had a weird look on her face and then I knew something wasn't right, already did anyway but was nervous as to what the unknown was. I get wheeled down for an ultrasound and that was very uncomfortable how they do that by the way.. but no baby was in the uterus..the lady had a weird look on her face as well but of course she can't share any information with me other than, "I do not see a baby in the uterus." Okay, at this point I look at Bobby with tears and I am scared and shaking and he holds my hand with a squeeze and he whispers "Everything will be alright, just hang in there honey." The lady was rude, pushing my bed, bumps the wall, just really rough and I am already in pain, bladder is filled (they did that for better view of the uterus they said) and so I am miserable and I am hurt, scared, confused. They said they see that the blood count is not going up as it should so they didn't know if I had already had a miscarriage or was going through one at the time. Talk about heart break. There I was pregnant after 10 years, kind of excited, but then to have this news. Wow! I schedule an appointment with my OBGYN and we do an internal ultrasound, he see's internal bleeding and wants to schedule surgery asap.

So we do, I had an ectopic pregnancy. The left fallopian tube trapped the egg and so they did the laporascopy (sp?) and removed the tube. Heart break sets in. Bobby and I are back and forth with if we should try for one more since we had the feeling of wow, a pregnancy after all of these years and the joy we felt for just a short while, then thinking but Steven is so much older, the big age gap. We talked about it and we finally decided to go for it.
In a month we were pregnant with our Mason Levi. We wanted a little girl at 1st but we talked about boy and girl names and the name Mason Levi was something we both agreed on and really liked and so it was something that sank in when I heard "It's a boy" When I went for an ultrasound at 19.5 weeks. I kept saying his name over and over and talk about happy. I was on top of the world!

He is our last because I had my 1st at 16 and Mason at 26 so, we decided to have no more babies, because of complications, plus I had endemetriosis and so thats the reason. He is now almost 5, It is such a bitter sweet thing for us. I just want to freeze him in time. I will update on his birthday. Curious as to what he will pick for a theme. =)

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