Saturday, January 5, 2008

Why am I sooo nervous?

Okay, so today I go to meet the social security doctor. This will all determine my case. I have heard they go by what they say other than what I have to say so this is going to the scariest thing ever. I have bitten my nails down until they bleed. I am scared to death to meet this lady, scared of what she will think of me, will I be able to be myself, will I be able to talk? My stomach is doing flip flops in there and all I want is some relief. I can't breathe I just want to cry and go and hide. See.. my therapist told me to apply, she seen 1st hand how my palms sweat, how my underarms will just burst into a sweat, how it comes and how it goes and how I never get out, how I am so different all the time, the level of anxiety that I have is extremely high. My moods were so hard to get to where they are now and hey, I still have a battle so it's not something that you just snap and it just go away.

I need friends so bad I can't stand it yet, I am not the "see-you -everyday" or "call-you-all-the-time" friend. I pretty much work at random speed and if you can keep up with that, then hey you are my best buddy. I tend to push people away anyway. Thank God Bobby puts up with me. I have put up with his butt in the past, I guess this is his way of making up for it.. I want to hope he deeply loves me and I am sure he does.

So, my appointment is at 12:45 and I am just ready to wiggle my nose and it be all over with..

sighs.

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